I sit and I try to write, I don’t know which time today. I write two sentences, tree and I drop them after a few seconds. I have over twenty topics to write on my list, but somehow it doesn’t match, doesn’t stick, hands don’t write words that are so much-needed. Some might say it’s a lack of inspiration. I don’t believe that. There is a task, so you have to do it.
Just how if it’s not great? Because it’s not always great. I don’t know, I’m from Poland, I’m old, I’m not interested, but I am under the impression that everyone around me and the world says, screams: it’s great, it must be great, it should be great.
So how cool is it if it isn’t?
I am far away from people and matters that are important to me. I don’t speak Portuguese well, it’s still difficult for me to express myself, as I want to, in English. I miss Polish flavours, smells, sounds, places, and views. Well, here the bread tastes different…
I look now at the world through grey glasses. This time is like this. It takes a while, but I know it will be better. I have support in loved people, in myself, and I know what to do.
Why am I writing about this? To complain? No. On February 23, in Poland was celebrated the National Day to Faith against Depression. It is estimated that around 350 million people suffer from depression in the world and around 1.5 million in Poland. Unfortunately, as a result of illness, many people commit suicide. I don’t know the numbers when it comes to Portugal and Madeira. I don’t know whether it’s taboo here, as it’s in Poland. And for me, this is an important topic, although unfortunately difficult.
If you feel bad, try to talk to someone, share your fears and problems. Call or write a message to your boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, grandfather, friend, neighbour. However, if the state of depression and sadness lasts for several weeks, contact a doctor, psychiatrist, psychotherapist. You may have to take medication and go to psychotherapy. If you suspect depression, you can take a Beck Depression Inventory test (such as this one: http://deprese.euzona.cz/en-index.php). However, remember that the scale of depression is only an auxiliary tool – the result of this test is not a diagnosis and should be consulted with a psychologist or psychiatrist.
I can only say if you feel bad – I understand. Sometimes it’s bad and it’s ok (even during the experience abroad like ESC). But remember you are not alone, you are important to many people, and what you feel now, will pass. I keep my fingers crossed!
Volunteer at Teatro Metaphora – Associação de Amigos das Artes
European Solidarity Corps
To know more: https://europa.eu/youth/solidarity_en